The answer isn’t always air conditioning. Why not opt for an ice-cold martini, concertina fan or frozen eyemask?
When we’re asked if there’s a morality to air conditioning, let’s focus on the smaller scale and ask instead: what keeps you cool? What is cool? What’s really cool? There are things that say they’re cool, offering a nod and a wink and a promise of refreshment. But many are lacking; many are operating under false pretences.
Such as? Well, denouncing ice cream in high summer might seem like madness but bear with me. No one is saying that gelato is not magnifico – but is it cooling? Does the speedy absorption of 600 calories of sweet milky goodness wick the beads of perspiration from your brow? It doesn’t, does it? Ice cream, a cone of plenty in a world of slight returns, is a marvel that cheers on the cheap. However, buy it, lick it, love it – but don’t expect to get a degree cooler thanks to it, my friends.
Instead? Pour a double espresso over a big ice cube in a tumbler, add enough full-cream milk to fool yourself that it could have come in a cone and feel the mercury drop with every sip. Coffee, with its kick of jittery caffeine, keeps you cool. Do it with ice-cold brown tea from the fridge, too, (no milk, though, are you mad?) and feel the depthless pleasure of your hot body zooming down toward the temperate zone quicker than you can wonder, “Would this be nice with some gin in it?”
Aha, we’ve raised the spectre of the proper drink. Can booze be cooling? A frosty beer, a pale and flinty rosé, an ice-cold martini, surely? Well, it saddens me to break the habit of a lifetime in recommending a short, sharp shock of something meaningful but you might end up with a hotter collar, a moister clavicle, a wetter lip than when the garçon popped your cork in the first place. Wait until you’re in the shade, though, and enjoy an everything-out-the-freezer martini, the vodka (better in the heat) viscous as the mercury that you’re hellbent on besting.
Of course, a Japanese konbini or a Don Quijote are predictably awash with excellent accoutrements for getting, staying – but sadly not looking – cool. Lion Brand cooling sheets are excellent for the puffy calves and feet of heat (and have been known to be used on the forehead). I’d like to say that I’d attempted the more sensitive areas of the anatomy but the pads’ robust adhesion means that even ripping them from a slightly hairy calf is a take-a-deep-breath moment. The thought of conducting this operation on more delicate areas makes the mouth dry at the very thought.
The frozen eyemask, a Japanese summer favourite that has spread sporadically westward, is a complete joy on a hot night in bed. Again, start with your brow and see where you go. I’ve found that almost everywhere likes being cool. Make sure this is a private affair, though: few others will want to see you trussed up in a turquoise eyemask at the best of times.
Finally? Fans. There are many battery-powered hand-fans about and I don’t want to begrudge a hot face a cold solution but they’re not a great look, are they? However, the concertina fan – the Penguin Classic to its rivals’ Kindle – is an elegant solution to any number of hot onslaughts and coquettish to boot. Fluttering a fan is a good look: it’s honest and it’s for everyone. It’s eco-conscious and it’s stylish.
It turns out that there are plenty of ways to keep cool. But bear in mind that your office might benefit from some proper air conditioning by Daikin, Midea or Mitsubishi – nobody needs to see the accounts team tearing into a pack of those cooling sheets.
Robert Bound is a contributing editor at Monocle. For more opinion, analysis and insight, subscribe to Monocle today.
